July 13, 2012
Haven’t had one of these in a while, and here’s why: it’s been a frustrating season, in which I’ve struggled to shake a bad attitude that has me leaving practice feeling miserable more often than leaving happy (and this bad attitude has opened me up to allowing some relatively minor illnesses and injuries to interfere with my practice schedule, creating a dismal spiral, as you can imagine).
When I passed the minimum skills requirements I was the only one tested that night to do so, and it happened two weeks after the house league teams had been drafted for the season, bestowing onto me the dubious honour of being the only skills-tested player in the league NOT on a team. For a while the teams were practicing separately, and while the Hiram Stalkers invited me to practice with them (and were all wonderfully welcoming and supportive and amazing), I often felt on the outside, especially when scrimmages were set up using established bouting lines and I was not on any of those lines. Things got better when the two teams began practicing together again, but being the only one not involved in real game play has meant I’m unable to improve at the same rate as my league mates. I’ve got more physical strength and endurance than some people in the league but those mean nothing when skating skills are weak, and there have been times when I’ve struggled to give a shit. < /self pity>
Tonight we’re traveling to Toronto with a team made up of skaters who haven’t had much game play (I’m the only one of the lot who has had zero) and tomorrow I’ll be bouting for the first time in the Fresh and the Furious:GTA Drift tournament hosted by GTA Rollergirls. We’ve had very little time to work together as a team, and on a more personal level I am woefully ill-prepared, and am pendulum swinging from determination to prove myself all the way to a fervent hope to just not be completely useless, and back again. Please wish me luck, but more than that, wish me courage. I could really use some.
And don’t tell anyone on the other teams that I’m anything less than 100% confident. Because I am NOT GOING TO BE THEIR FUCKING GOAT.
Comments on "derby update"
Hi! I’ve been meaning to leave a comment for you for some time, and this post has reminded me of why – way back when (more than 18 months ago?) you posted about your strengthening efforts and your awesome gym routines and wanting to be STRONG! And you made me convince myself that I should take my health more seriously. So. I started eating more veggies.
And I took a few cooking classes to make those veggies more palatable.
And I read a few books about nutrition.
And I quit my job, became a stay-at-home-mum that cooks good food and forces her kiddos to eat veggies. Not that they do, but I care about it a heck of a lot more now.
Also, my mind is calm – for the first time ever. It’s not racing around a million miles a minute trying to solve all the problems of the world and not getting anywhere. I blame my new running habits on this. When I started eating more veggies, I started giving up grains, which greatly reduced a lot of physical inflammation I didn’t realize I had – I lost weight and gained energy and can BREATHE! and have the will to do great things.
At some point, I will make myself a cape so I can dress as the superhero I feel that I am – plus I think it will be a great way to run a marathon, dressed up with a cape on.
Quit your roller-derby navel gazing! Get out there and have fun!
And thank you. :)
Posted by Karen N on July 13, 2012 at 6.07pm :: link
Don’t over think it. You’ll be fine.
Posted by Linda on July 13, 2012 at 8.35pm :: link
i’m really proud of how far you’ve come and admire your strength (physical and otherwise) and endurance. i’d be pissed if things turned out that way for me too, but alas, i didn’t even stick it out long enough to be tested. i think you have all the courage you’ll ever need already : )
*failed smile is still relevant, internets >8(
I think you did a wonderful job in Toronto. I can’t believe the girl that looked so confident on the track was so unsure of herself, and felt useless. To me you proved yourself as much as anyone else that played that day, and I continue to see improvement every time you put on your skates.
Posted by Mike F on July 23, 2012 at 10.21am :: link